One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
