I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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