he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
