Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize