i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
