it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
