Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
