Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
