i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
