you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
