I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
