Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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