having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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