I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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