this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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