Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
