I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
