I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
