u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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