The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
