Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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