She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
