her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
