i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
