I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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