Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
