I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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