Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
