I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
