so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have already put on my inside pants.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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