dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
