So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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