umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
