i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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