i was born a porn star she said
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
