I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
