i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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