U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
