The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
