I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
