Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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