He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize