So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
