you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
