some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
