dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize