Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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