just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
