Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
