the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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