Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize