Acid is not a monday night drug
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
And then he peed in my hair
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