So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
this boner is exhausting
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
