White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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