We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize