Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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