bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
