How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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