It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
home. puking in laundry basket.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So much Jack, so little girl.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
