i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
