apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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