He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
