I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
