My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
