Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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