suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
