I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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