Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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