$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
