yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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