I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize