My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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