Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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