So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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