Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize