During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
