walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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