I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize