You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
my liver is dry heaving
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
