who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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