Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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