tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
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