I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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