u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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