Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
