I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
