I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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