Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
