Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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