Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
