i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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