The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize