Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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