I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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