I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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