Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just had sex bonerless
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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