I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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