Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And then my night got REAL pukey
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
