Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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