i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
