Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
