How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
