Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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