mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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