did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
