dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i barfeds in our rink
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im six kinds of drunk right now
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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