just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize